Friday, 9:10 AM

So what were we discussing?

What we would actually choose, yes.

Well, before we can get to that, we have to acknowledge that choosing something requires we're awake, aware, able, and willing to choose, so we’ll have to start there.

Awake.

First can we admit that sleeping feels nice? It's just so cozy and comfortable.

And can we also admit that moving out of our cozy, comfy spot (a) does not feel nice, (b) requires a lot of initial energy we just don't have at the moment, and (c) sounds exhausting?

But let's set that aside for a minute and talk about why we're asleep in the first place.

We're asleep right now because we've been asleep so long it's become our default state. We "wake up" (in the literal, physical sense), but immediately go for our phones. It's too painful and difficult to actually consider this day. So we don’t. We just scroll.

Then, once we've used up every available minute to the distraction of scrolling, when we've become either too bored to continue or run out of minutes we can spare to our anesthesia, we shuffle into our default habits and existence, where every routine has a groove worn into the floor. We do the same things, consume the same media and influences and opinions, eat the same meals at the same places, and interact with the same people.

Why?

Because something new would require too much thought, effort, and energy.

That's the first reason.

The second reason is, someone benefits from our sleepwalking.

We ourselves benefit from it, because it feels like it’ll cost us more than we're willing to pay in order to change. We can remain happily, lazily complacent and checked out. We can enjoy all the advantages of staying asleep and the same.

But we're not the only ones who benefit from our default state of stupor.

What about our partners, families, friends, acquaintances? There’s something they get out of us staying the same. Primarily, it's that they get to stay the same, too, and we’ve already talked about why a person would love to just stay the same—it’s comfortable and costs a lot to do something else.

But, even more than that, this "new and improved " you means (a) you must think poorly of them, too, right? If you're not satisfied with you or your life as it is, then that would require a “new and improved” them (how insulting!). And (b), what if they won't like the "new and improved" you? Or, worse, what if you no longer like them?

There's a lot of ego tied up in change, and most of us aren't having it.

But the truth is, even if the one changing doesn't think of it this way, there’s a judgment being made against your former life and its makeup, including the people in it. You no longer want what you once had. You may still love this chapter and version of your life, same as you did some or all of your childhood, but it goes without saying that none of us can remain children forever, at least while also being healthy and thriving adults. We have to grow up eventually, which means our childhood has to end. That doesn't mean it doesn't remain a part of us forever, but we have to move on.

What we fail to realize, however, is that the growth never stops, and if we're the same as we were three, five, ten years ago, we're not healthy and thriving. Our souls are languishing and dying.

So then, of course these two groups (which includes yourself) are slightly, if not wholeheartedly, against your changing.

But there's an even more insidious group that doesn't care about you or your well being at all, and that’s companies, corporations and other institutions. They want to keep you running the same race you've been running since graduation—follow our orders, live as we say, and buy stuff, buy stuff, BUY STUFF!

If you start seeing what's happening behind the curtain, if you start questioning the opinions and motives of all involved, and if you step out of line—well, (a) the companies and institutions lose control over you and your money which … duh, costs them control and money, and (b) what if others followed you? Complete anarchy, that’s what there’d be. And if you think about it, that's exactly what your waking up will cause for all those groups and people, including yourself, because change means … change.

Think about one example. If you decided tomorrow to move to another country, do you think you could do that without a lot of turmoil and inconvenience, even for yourself? Do you think you could just call your family and say you’re moving to another country without seriously upsetting them and maybe even starting a few arguments? If you could, you're in the minority. Most of us (people, that is) do not like change, and we’ll fight it at every turn, even if it’s our own, and even if not changing is to our detriment.

So, if we can consider this for a second, the strangest thing about modern life, perhaps, is that we’ve normalized sleepwalking. We call it realistic, responsible, grownup, mature. But what if it’s none of those things? What if it’s something else entirely, something that looks more like fear and control?

Also, one more thing to consider while we’re considering, not only is sleepwalking in Default Land keeping us from lives we actually choose, but also, where has living this way gotten us?

I know thirty-somethings who are still living with their parents (and have been since college).

I know forty-somethings who've moved back in with their parents.

I know people working two or three jobs just to stay afloat, forget about thriving or choosing or doing much else.

Staying in line and checking these boxes hasn't gotten us very far—individually or even collectively, so what do we have to lose by going our own way?

But we’ll come back to that. First, let’s revisit something I said earlier that doesn’t need to get lost here. What if we’re the same as we were three, five, ten years ago?

Henry David Thoreau wrote that “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Nearly two hundred years later, are we any better off? Or have we just become more comfortable, better distracted, better entertained, better anesthetized, and better at sleepwalking?

That raises a real and disturbing question.

If you’re essentially the same person you were three, five, ten years ago, then who exactly has been living your life all this time?

You?

The real and essential you? The soul-led you?

Do you even know that person anymore? Did you ever?

More letters to come.

Footnotes:

[1] Usually accredited to Jiddu Krishnamurti, although there’s dispute, but the argument still stands.